


Don't Croak On Me

by reaperlight



Series: A Wanted Man [3]
Category: Death Note
Genre: Abuse, Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Arguing, Attempted Murder, Awkward Conversations, Bad Puns, Banter, Bechdel Test Pass, Canon-Typical Violence, Capoeira, Coffee Shops, College, Crack, Doctor Who References, Drama, Drugged Light, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fights, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, Flying, Frenemies, Frogs, Galaxy Quest Reference, Gift Giving, Homophobia, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Innuendo, Interspecies Relationship(s), Interspecies Romance, Irony, Light Angst, Male-Female Friendship, Martial Arts, Misogyny, Multi, Narcissism, POV Alternating, Past Sexual Abuse, Polyamory, Pop Culture, References to Supernatural (TV), Romance, Satire, Sexual Harassment, Shinigami, Shinigami Eyes, Slurs, Stalking, Starbucks, Suicidal Thoughts, Superman References, The Shinigami Realm, Unhealthy Relationships, Yandere, improbable scenarios
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-03-25 16:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3817441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reaperlight/pseuds/reaperlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Light Yagami you belong to me! I forbid you from having a boyfriend. I will find him and I will kill him!<br/>~ XOXO your most devoted Misa</p><p>In which Misa continues to stalk Light and Light realizes it's not just him that she puts in danger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The box sat unassumingly on his balcony—just where Ryuk told him it would be. Light approached it with caution—his Shinigami told him he saw Rem placing it there early that very morning. Light might have been more suspicious of Ryuk considering his recent rose prank but this time Ryuk had an alibi—Light knew _exactly_ where Ryuk was… _all night long._ And considering they were on rather good terms now Light doubted Ryuk would want to sour things between them by giving him something so… _foul._ At least he knew it couldn’t be a bomb or something—Shinigami couldn’t _indirectly_ cause the deaths of humans and Rem couldn’t kill him seeing as Ryuk already had dibs by Shinigami Law. Light cautiously opened the package and was hit full in the face with the pungent odor of death and decay. Kira gritted his teeth as he stared down at the box full of dead frogs and snakes. 

Misa was indeed becoming quite the problem. 

Of course it was from Misa and not one of his other stalkers—Ryuk had nothing to gain from this given his status had changed recently from stalker to “caring but somewhat possessive boyfriend” and not even L would do something this gross just to get his attention. There was little doubt already given that Rem had served as her carrier pigeon but also the simple, succinct note attached was in Misa’s handwriting—though barely legible given the ink had run from sitting atop the snake and frog guts—and was just a reiteration of Misa’s ultimatum: 

_Light Yagami you belong to me. I forbid you from having a boyfriend. I will find him and I will kill him._  
_~ XOXOX your most devoted Misa_

Charming girl.

It would seem he had made an error in judgment—his attempt to politely explain his preferences and why they wouldn’t make a good couple hadn’t deterred Misa’s obsession in the least. If anything it had gotten worse and it seemed that she was completely serious about her vow to kill his boyfriend. Of course Light knew Misa couldn’t hurt Ryuk but still the blonde’s obsession and jealousy didn’t bode well for _any_ male that Misa might chance to see Light interacting with and _that_ was a serious problem. Light once again considered that it might just be easier to write her name down but then he’d remember that an angry Rem would undoubtedly be even more difficult to deal with than an angry Misa.

So it was Light had had to skip his morning classes in order to file another police report, submitting Misa’s box of dead animals and the threatening letter into evidence. Of course Light had screened the package before turning it in—even going so far as to (with a grimace of disgust) snap on gloves and sift through the box of dead animals, making sure it had nothing pertaining to Kira. It was pretty much a given he had to turn it in—he was sure if he neglected to report this incident then L would know of it somehow—probably his mother or sister saying something to his father who would pass it on to L. He’d been careful opening the package but not careful enough in its disposal—he didn’t want to wait around until trash day with rotting animals stinking up his room so he had just tried to dump it immediately—unfortunately his sister was in the living room when he was trying to sneak it out quietly and had gotten a good glimpse of the package’s gruesome contents—she’d shrieked, naturally, alerting their mother. So now _everyone_ apparently knew about his stalker problem. 

Their attempt to “protect” him by curtailing his movements was truly becoming irritating. 

He was sorely tempted to just say _“Fuck it all”_ and move in to Ryuk’s place in the Shinigami Realm. Ryuk had taken him up for a visit last weekend. “Ryuk’s place” was a lovely, out-of-the-way mountain cave, lit up with torches that burned with a strange green fire—overall it was roomy, and well, _livable,_ and kind of interesting as well, holding a certain… _aesthetic_ but if he was to live there he’d definitely feel the need to better furnish the place. It was a definite fixer-upper but the _freedom_ it offered… It had the distinct advantage of not being around people and that was something Light could definitely get behind. He probably would have moved there already if he wasn’t concerned that Misa might retaliate if he disappeared. 

The box was a stark reminder—he hadn’t been taking the threat of Misa seriously enough. She knew where he lived, in fact she knew all about him, and it wasn’t just _him_ that she put in danger—if she had a mind to she could _easily_ hurt his family. Light figured he _had_ to somehow get a grip on the Misa situation before he left for the Shinigami Realm… But so far, _that_ was a work in progress: Light was working through legal channels to curtail Misa’s behavior but Light knew he couldn’t push too far or Rem would surely retaliate. Light supposed that if he was moving to the Shinigami realm it didn’t matter so much if Rem went to the police but he still would rather avoid that outcome—it would still be hurtful if certain people, namely his family, learned he was Kira.

So while he was there at the police station Light had also filed for another restraining order against Misa—not that he thought it would do any good but Mogi had impressed on him the importance that he got it on record that Misa was the aggressor. It was imperative that Misa’s abuse and stalking be well-documented lest he be the one who ended up in jail for it. Even though he never touched her, even though a police officer saw him getting beat up by her, he was still very nearly the one arrested for the incident— _even his own father_ seemed prepared to take Misa’s side on account that Misa was a small, cute woman that cried on cue. Therefore any craziness Misa displayed _must_ have somehow been his fault and not due to the girl in question being completely unhinged. He got a headache even trying to follow that train of “logic.” For some reason L, of all people, had been the one to persuade them otherwise, protecting him from prosecution. Maybe he was worried that having a criminal charge leveled against him would somehow hurt his case against him being Kira. He could think himself in circles trying to guess L’s motives but at the end of the day who knew what went on in L’s head? 

The detective had sworn to see Kira sentenced to death but then he claimed to be his, or rather _Light Yagami’s,_ friend even while accusing him of mass murder. And yet he seemed genuinely concerned again when he greeted him in the emergency room. L had actually been a welcome sight that evening; even when the detective, unheeding of the fretting nurse, had hopped up beside him on the hospital bed they’d confined him to while they looked over his injuries. Naturally Ryuk had been there too and Light took comfort in his Shinigami’s presence. Ryuk had even gently held his hand and wished him a swift recovery. But Light couldn’t really speak to him in there, as much as he wanted to, not with the hospital staff and police regularly darting in and out of his room as they recorded his injuries—that was a _real_ pain. As were the drugs they’d given—it made everything go all woozy and Light was afraid it was really throwing him off his game. Confusion swirled around him as he tried to keep track of it all and he eventually ended up dozing for a bit before the inevitable confrontation with the taskforce. 

***

Of course L had known the instant Mogi had checked Light into the emergency room and Light was soon greeted by the entire taskforce (complete with his father to scold him.) Really, Light wasn’t expecting anything different. L made it his business to know everything that happened to his Kira suspect. 

“Cracked ribs and a concussion,” Mogi had dutifully reported when L had looked pointedly at Light’s bandaged head and midsection. 

“I see… Light-kun will not be coming into work tomorrow.” The detective arched one of his barely there pencil-thin eyebrows. “Your boyfriend?”

Matsuda snorted and Light flushed with embarrassment. 

“Could you _not…?_ ” Light snapped when he noticed his father narrowing his eyes at him suspiciously. “It was a girl,” Light was quick to reassure his father. 

“A girl?” 

“What can I say? I’m a very popular guy.” 

“So you got beat up by a girl?” Matsuda asked. 

“He did.” Mogi confirmed. 

“It was just some psycho chick,” Light gave a pained sigh, which he felt in his ribs. He refused to rise to the bait. Besides it was hardly that he just “got beat up by a girl!” Misa was different! Misa was… _dangerous!_

“I always seem to attract the crazies,” the killer groaned aloud. 

“Like attracts like, Light-kun,” L teased. 

“Is that why you like to hang around me, Ryuuzaki?” Light laughed lightly before wincing in pain again due to his ribs. 

“No, of course not, it’s for Light-kun’s winning personality.”

“Oh. Right… that reminds me. Mogi-san, did you have my bags?”

L’s eyes narrowed at Light’s casual mention of Mogi’s name. He’d have to speak to Mogi about giving out his name to their main Kira suspect so freely.

In the meantime, Mogi reached into a shopping bag and blinked in confusion.

“The dildo?”

“NO! No, the _other_ bag! The sweater! The white sweater, please, it’s for Ryuuzki,” Light hastened to explain and then coughed to hide his embarrassment when his purchases garnered strange looks from the rest of the taskforce and a worried look from his father. 

Mogi retrieved the new sweater, shaking it out to reveal the dramatically Gothic pattern of the Japanese dragons, one black and one blue, intertwining around a roaring red tiger who’s claws were crushing a skull. 

“Thanks,” Light grunted as Mogi passed it to him and Light in turn passed it to Ryuuzaki. “Here—it’s for you.” 

L was surprised and, naturally, suspicious when Light gave him a gift. He’d be sure to send it to the lab for analysis—he didn’t think Light would do something so obvious as to try and poison him but he knew he couldn’t be too careful. L frowned as he stared at the image. There had to be a deeper meaning to this so-called “gift.” It was quite unlike Light to just do something on a whim.

It was also something he wouldn’t normally wear. 

L actually preferred to wear plain clothes for a reason—it was in case he had to run at a moment’s notice. He didn’t like wearing anything that made it easier for potential enemies to identify him with and he typically avoided wearing anything with a design or a decal on it. 

“You don’t like it?” Light asked when he saw L’s frown. “I got it at Wadai. I can give you the receipt if you want to return it and get something else.” 

“No, it’s fine, Light-kun. I was just surprised. Are you expecting me to get you a gift in return?”

“No! I mean, you can if you want. It’s just… I… just wanted to do something nice for you. That’s all.” 

_“Why?”_

“Isn’t that what friends do for each other?” 

L looked like he’d just been slapped. _“What?”_

“You’re a good friend to me, L… Ryuuzaki. I like having you around. You’re nice,” Light murmured, eyes dropping a bit as the painkillers finally began to kick in. 

L of course immediately noticed when the drugs began making Light woozy. It would be the ideal time to question him, really, but he doubted the taskforce would ever go for it… 

“Light-kun, are you Kira?” L tried anyway. 

_“RYUUZAKI!”_ Came the ever-predictable response. 

_“Not Kira!”_ Light grumbled woozily. “I’m _Light._ You know that! You’re funny, _Laaa-_ Ryuuga." Light giggled, weakly reaching out to touch the detective’s dark spikes—L’s hair was surprisingly soft and well-kept, despite the mess it looked at first glance. 

“Why do you think I’m Kira?” Light whined. It would be so much easier to be L’s friend if the detective didn’t keep accusing him of stuff! “Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass?” 

“Why would you give me a gift?” L countered. He had half a mind to ask Light why he killed people but at this point he doubted the younger man would admit to it—even drugged. 

“I was just trying to be nice! And it just… it reminded me of you. If you want you can consider it payback for the cake.” 

“But Light-kun didn’t like the cake,” L pouted. 

Light sighed “I didn’t _hate_ it, Ryuuzaki. It was a nice offer—I just can’t have it.” 

“Light-kun should indulge once and a while.”

“I don’t have your metabolism—if I ate like you do, I’d blow up like a balloon!” 

“Ah, but didn’t Light-kun know that he can burn calories by using his brain?” 

Light crossed his arms and glared at Ryuuzaki, blissfully unaware that to L he appeared adorably huffy.

“Yeah… I call bullshit.” 

“ _Light!_ Language!”

“Sorry, dad,” Light grumbled groggily. 

Meanwhile L looked the very picture of a man who’d just had the very pillars of his beliefs smashed out from under him as he came to realize that Light’s declaration that “Ryuuzaki” was a good friend to him actually sounded _genuine._ He’d meant to get close to Light during the course of his investigation but did his Kira suspect _really_ see him as a friend?!

That was preposterous! What next? Broccoli candy? 

“I-I need candy,” L concluded aloud. 

“Okay... Guess I’ll see you around campus?” the currently doped up teenager asked hopefully. 

“Did Light-kun need a ride home? Watari could drive us home in my limo.” 

“I’ll be driving Light home,” Souichiro said sternly. 

“Another time then,” the detective declared as he left, giving them all a jaunty little wave.

Light giggled when unseen by anyone else Ryuk awkwardly waved back.

***

Ryuk gleefully recanted everything that Light only half-remembered later when, unfortunately, the only details of that encounter that had stuck in Light’s drug-hazed mind was that L had been there and that he had smelled nice. (Light had wondered if it had been cologne or if the detective had spilled strawberry syrup down his front sometime during the course of the day. Knowing L, the latter seemed more likely.) While embarrassing, Light was just glad he hadn’t said anything incriminating while under the influence of painkillers. That was dangerous! He almost blew it there. If he’d known he’d have such a reaction to the drugs he would never have asked to go to the hospital. 

Light frowned when Ryuk informed him he had looked very cute while doped up and, once again, suggested that he should go after L. 

That was _quite_ impossible. 

When asked why, Light had laid it all out for his inquisitive, meddling Shinigami—because while Ryuk wouldn’t mind sharing him (or no doubt gaining another boyfriend) Light sincerely doubted the detective would approve of them or his lifestyle choices. Besides, as long as L saw Kira as a murderer and not Justice any hypothetical relationship with him just wouldn’t work. 

That wasn’t even getting into the fact that the man himself was completely irritating. Light didn’t relish putting up with L’s sleeping habits or his eating habits, either. And while Ryuk might not be as… _pretty_ as L (not that Light noticed such things, besides Light found Ryuk to be quite _cute_ in his own inhuman way), the Shinigami made for a much more unobtrusive and courteous roommate. Even if they were just talking about him having a quick fling rather than an actual relationship with the detective… that would be far from a brilliant move—any such encounter with L was inherently _deadly_ dangerous and he wasn’t about to jeopardize everything for just for one night of stupid passion.

Why was he even entertaining the notion of L anyway? Ryuk more than satisfied him and Light shuddered to think what that weirdo would do to him in the bedroom—L would probably want to handcuff him to the headboard and cover him in chocolate syrup or something and it would get in his hair and just— _uck!_

_What the hell is wrong with me?_ The killer sighed, running his fingers through his (fine, soft) hair in exasperation even as he made his way to school for yet another day of tedium. 

Upon arriving at To-oh campus he met up with Kiyomi Takada, who’d agreed to fill him in about what he had missed that morning, for coffee between classes. They ended up at the student café sitting at the little 2-person table in the corner. (The drinks there were nice and Light planned to come back another time when they were alone so he could let Ryuk try the mulled apple cider.) 

Light was seated so that throughout their conversation he’d ended up staring at the poster tacked to the wall above Takada’s head when trying to focus on something other than the red kanji and numbers floating there that he hoped would remain meaningless. The poster boldly declared that he should do his part to **_“Save the Poison Dart Frogs”_** because sure they were nasty poisonous but apparently it would be better to keep them around because they might be helpful in finding a cure for cancer. 

It struck Light as kind of harsh that the only reason humans were trying to keep another species alive was because one day it might prove useful. They were kind of cute and pretty—the deadly frogs, that is. Well, Takada’s hair looked nice too, he supposed, and idly complimented her on it. (And it turned out they frequented the same salon.) Light especially liked the little blue frogs with their large dark eyes and long fingers (or was it toes?) And the way they crouched with their tongues snagging their food as it literally flew by. For some peculiar reason they kind of reminded Light of an obnoxious certain _someone_ he knew. Which was ridiculous, really—Ryuuzaki was far too _warm_ to be an amphibian. Light should know—he’d had the dubious pleasure of waking up to find the creepy… _socially awkward_ man sitting on his chest when he failed to report in for work the other day. 

Kiyomi quickly caught him up on what he’d missed—not much from the sound of it, just a rehash of what they’d gone over yesterday (his morning of skipped classes suddenly seemed so much more productive) and then they just chatted amiably for a few minutes. His relationship with Kiyomi was rather… _odd_ and even Light could admit he was more than a bit befuddled by it. When she abruptly asked him out he was worried it would be a repeat of the Misa incident and _dammit_ one yandere was bad enough! So Light had been quick to dissuade her from pursuing a romantic relationship with him, carefully explaining that while he liked and admired her as a classmate (among other bullshit flattering things) he was very much gay. Light had been shocked to find Kiyomi to be quite reasonable—(she was actually _okay_ with it!)—and was quite happy to remain friends. 

Light couldn’t believe it. Maybe? Could it be? It was almost as if… It was almost like women weren’t all the same and had different thoughts and feelings! Light immediately brushed off the notion as ridiculous. Still Light decided that Kiyomi was decidedly _different_ from Misa and given they shared quite a few classes together being her “friend” was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Light found he didn’t mind her company even though she was a woman and she even managed somewhat intelligent conversation (though nothing on his level of course.) Kiyomi made a surprisingly good study partner, was easy to get along with, and she had the bonus of being quite popular on campus and their respective status and popularity seemed to allow them both to ascend higher and have access to more social circles than they would on their own. 

Light was just walking her to class when he came upon a certain someone he hadn’t expected to actually see back on campus, let alone _outside,_ in _daylight!_ Just when Light was starting to believe the strange, pale detective was secretly a vampire. He shouldn’t be here, Light didn’t think he would actually come—not with “more powerful Kiras” on the loose that could steal the name of ‘L Lawliet’ with but a glance. That Light was now one of L’s “more powerful Kiras” thanks to a gift dropped from his otherworldly lover was not information he felt the need to share with his sometimes friend, sometimes enemy who, for some insane reason, he’d decided against killing. As it stood now his… frenemy was in far more danger from Misa than from him. Really, all Light wanted now was to be left alone and to kill criminal scum in peace. However knowing the dogged persistence of said detective whose life he had so foolishly spared—the very same _annoying_ detective who was currently waving him over from where he crouched on a park bench, the upside down book he was pretending to read held in his signature peculiar way between thumb and forefinger—that was clearly too optimistic of a goal.

Yet even with L still in it, Light was almost… content, with his life, with the world. Well, sure the world was still rotten but things just didn’t feel as horrible as it did before. He couldn’t explain it and it was probably yet another stupid emotional response to… whatever this was he had with his Shinigami. He just felt he could be more… _himself_ with Ryuk. Why was it he felt more at home and made friends easier in the Shinigami realm than he ever did anywhere on Earth? Sometimes Light found himself wishing he’d just been born a Shinigami from the start. Then he’d never have had need to break the rules and make new ones. 

_“HEY LIGHT!_ …How’s it going?” L hollered, at first with enthusiasm, but ended the sentence in his usual creepy monotone. It was quite unnerving to hear his rival’s shift in mood or rather _masks._

“Uh… Kiyomi? Could you excuse me? I need to talk to him for a moment… alone.” 

“Oh… okay… Is he your boyfriend?” 

Light spluttered. _“What?!”_

“You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business,” Kiyomi apologized and the refined Miss To-oh awkwardly retreated. 

Perhaps he had to reassess what he thought of Kiyomi’s intelligence. How could anyone mistake _L_ for his boyfriend? That was _completely_ ridiculous… 

Just then Light noticed the suspicious, disgusted stares and homophobic whispers from some of his male classmates and had to resist the urge to reach for his wallet to _take note_ of their names. Really, how could this day possibly get any worse?

**“Woah, Light… head’s up!”**

Light startled when Ryuk abruptly pointed out to where Rem could be seen bobbing along over the hedges just above a barely seen scalp of blonde hair. 

_Shit._

Light sucked in a breath. He saw it all mapped out. He saw _exactly_ where all this was going—he didn’t even _have_ to kill L because L was going to die. 

_“Is he your boyfriend?”_  
_“I forbid you from having a boyfriend! I will find him and I will kill him!”_

All he had to do was stand here and do nothing. 

L was going to die.  
_L was going to die._  
Light wasn’t quite sure when that had become a bad thing.

He was moving before he could stop himself. 

Ryuuzaki had no time to do anything but let out an indignant squawk of surprise as Light was shucking off his crimson designer jacket and throwing it over the detective’s head. 

“How could you even allow yourself to be seen in public with _that hair?!_ ” Light declared for the sake of the curious onlookers as he pulled L forcefully off the bench; the book L was pretending to read went tumbling to the ground with a papery thud. 

“What does Light-kun think he’s doing?” L asked dangerously, his usual monotone becoming a near growl in disapproval. Only a near growl—L at his most threatening had nothing on Ryuk’s actual growls even when Light’s Shinigami was feeling playful. 

“Saving your life. Just keep walking,” Light hissed in return, giving L an encouraging shove to move him along. 

Sure, L was annoying, a thorn in his side, but still, he couldn’t bring himself to kill him. Kira had, embarrassingly, _broken down completely_ when he’d earlier tried because while L was an annoyance he was still his… no, _Light Yagami’s_ friend. 

Takada watched on in confusion as Yagami kidnapped his maybe-boyfriend right in front of her but when the petite blonde appeared around the corner of the hedge Kiyomi’s large, mazarine eyes lit up in understanding.

So this was the woman that Light Yagami was afraid of. 

Kiyomi wasn’t aware of everything that was going on but she had learned from her association with Yagami that a certain obsessive blonde was very dangerous. Of course Yagami hadn’t said as much—he tended to keep to himself when it came to anything outside of academia but Kiyomi had noticed the bandages and became curious. 

Perhaps she had overstepped her bounds but she had been concerned about her friend.

Yes, _friend._

Of course she had been disappointed when he turned her down but these things could not be helped and it wasn’t like Kiyomi had any shortage of prospective suitors. Since then she’d met a very nice man through a Kira Club on campus who was fiercely protective, handsome, sincere, studying to be a prosecutor, and whole-heartedly dedicated to justice. And perhaps even good husband material. (She just wished that Teru had an ounce of Yagami’s self-confidence.)

It was out of concern for her friend that she put her own investigative skills to good use. It was easy enough to make a couple of phone calls to her journalistic contacts at the local hospital and with the police and, well, after that the assault and the restraining order against Misa Amane was a matter of public record. 

Yagami was afraid of this woman and with good reason—Kiyomi had blanched at the police photos taken at the hospital and wondered why Amane wasn’t being charged. Kiyomi supposed she was expecting someone taller, and uglier, to be Yagami’s stalker. Perhaps that was the problem, maybe it strained disbelief for some that this rail thin model managed to inflict such injuries on the son of the chief of police (despite his father sheltering him and never allowing him around anything more dangerous than a fountain pen); even someone as small as Amane could inflict those injuries if they were determined, or angry, enough—especially if the victim didn’t fight back.

Or perhaps it was because Amane was pretty and the all-male group of police interviewers had assumed Yagami _wanted_ her stalking him? They probably wouldn’t make such an assumption had they ever actually been a victim of stalking and harassment. Kiyomi once had a boss like that. He was gone now—Kira saw to that. Kiyomi had whole-heartedly supported Kira ever since. Kira made the world safe for people to live good lives.

Truly, when would the law catch up with the times? Not all women were perfect little angels! It was the height of patriarchal stupidity to assume that all women, an entire group of _people,_ were all the same. Women were just as capable of committing crimes and atrocities as men were. (Kiyomi herself had entertained the idea of making her boss… _go away_ if Kira hadn’t done it for her—it was yet another debt to their Lord she could never hope to repay) alas, this was a fact that the justice system seemed all too willing to ignore, especially when the crime was committed by the pretty, rich, and famous such as Ms. Amane. Kiyomi only wished that Kira-sama would just strike her down because Yagami was a nice boy and didn’t deserve this. Kiyomi wasn’t sure exactly what it was about Yagami that inspired such loyalty but she would freely give it—she had become fiercely protective of her friend, especially after learning his sexual preferences—Yagami was one of the few men she’d ever admired and he would have to go through enough without having to deal with that… horrid _bitch._

“Oh! Excuse me! _I’m so sorry!_ ” Kiyomi said as she “accidentally” crashed into the blonde, easily knocking her to the ground. Kiyomi was surprised by just how small the other woman was but if there was any doubt about the threat Misa posed it vanished when the blonde glared at her and Kiyomi could just _sense_ something murderous lurking in the smaller woman’s deep blue eyes. 

Kiyomi had a sinking feeling that they got their color contacts from the same store. 

“It’s fine,” the blonde said automatically with strained politeness, “er, excuse m—” Misa mumbled distractedly as she tried to push past but the other woman (Kiyomi Takada as proclaimed by the red kanji above her head) stopped her.

“Oh, wow. I love your jacket! That’s so cute! Where did you get it?” Kiyomi gushed enthusiastically. She actually thought it looked kind of trashy but it was as good a conversation starter as any. A safer conversation starter than criminal law, or media representation, or views on Kira anyway—all of which she was sure would go right over the blonde’s head. 

“Er… from Wadai. I think… Sorry, I don’t really...” Misa answered distractedly while scanning the crowd for a certain name or that distinctive red-brown hair. 

“That’s okay. Hey, did you see they’re having a sale over at Daimaru this weekend? They have some fine faux fur-lined coats.”

“Uh…” 

“Hey, I don’t think I’ve seen you around campus before. What’s your major?” 

“I…” Just then Misa thought she caught sight of a flash of brown hair. She tried to pull away. 

“I’m thinking of going into journalism. How about you?”

Misa shuddered. She _despised_ journalists, especially paparazzi. With a passion.

"I wish I could just kill them all!" Misa had moaned one evening while doing her nails in a nice shade of Gothic black. It had been an especially grueling day of evading the creeps and perverts. How would _they_ like it if she stalked outside their door?! Hell, they'd probably love it. The _perverts!_

 **"Why don't you? It's your notebook. Why not use it for yourself?"** Rem had gently inquired.

Misa didn't answer because they both knew why.

Misa had a greater purpose.

She was going to find Kira.

The vengeful God.

 _Her_ vengeful God.

The avenger of her parents.

And be his girlfriend.

And one day wife.

She would not take "no" for an answer. 

Misa wondered if this Kiyomi Takada was a paparazzi and that was why she was bothering her—all to get an in on her. Misa considered writing her name down but then supposed it would be just a wee bit suspicious if the annoying woman dropped dead while she was talking to her. 

“No, I don’t go here… I’m just here to see my boyfriend.”

“You’re boyfriend!”

“Yes! My Knight-Light loves me more than anything in the world! We’re going on a date right now!” 

“You mean Yagami?”

“You know my Kngiht-Light?” 

“We’re just friends… because he doesn’t swing that way.” 

_“MY KNIGHT-LIGHT ISN’T GAY!”_ Misa shrieked shrilly at the top of her lungs. 

“Say, is that Misa-Misa?” hollered a male student and suddenly there was a mob surrounding them. 

_“Excuse me!”_ Misa snapped while rudely pushing Kiyomi and her crazed fanboys (and girls) out of the way, having caught sight of Ryuk gliding effortlessly around a corner. Misa managed to twist out of the interfering woman’s grasp, pushing, and shoving, and clawing and giving Kiyomi a nasty scratch on her forearm—Kiyomi could only hope she didn’t have rabies. She was lucky it was just her arm—if she hadn’t gotten it up in time Kiyomi had no doubt the psycho bitch would have clawed her eye out. 

Kiyomi could only watch helplessly as Misa continue her pursuit of Yagami—she couldn’t do any more without it being completely obvious. She’d probably pushed her luck as it was. She could only hope that she’d bought Light a few precious seconds to get away. She really hoped that Kira or the police would take care of her soon—Kiyomi had a sinking feeling that Yagami’s deranged stalker would target her next and try to murder her in her sleep or something for her role in things here today. No, she must have more faith; Kiyomi was sure Kira would save her—just as he had before. 

Misa stumbled and pushed her way through the crowd of men that for some reason had spontaneously gathered to watch the popular Ms. To-Oh chatting and later catfighting with the popular teen idol Misa Amane. But not even these disgusting pervs with their catcalling and their groping hands would deter her from her purpose of following Ryuk because where Ryuk was Light was sure to be nearby… 

Misa screamed when she turned the corner and came upon a dead end with no Light in sight. The Shinigami had led her on a merry chase but he had only been a decoy. Misa shrieked and even Rem scolded him but Ryuk didn’t seem at all sorry. The dark male Shinigami just laughed and disappeared through a brick wall.


	2. Chapter 2

_“LIGHT YAGAMI! YOU COME OUT RIGHT NOW!”_ The petite blonde shouted, stomping her foot when she caught a glimpse of brown hair in the rustling bush.

Light forced himself to remain calm even as Misa kicked up a fuss in public and keep his hold on the squirming L who Light had hastily pushed under the bush, his face still wrapped in Light’s red designer jacket to prevent Misa from seeing the words L Lawliet that floated above the detective’s head. Technically Light had just kidnapped him… and yet, Light couldn’t shake the feeling that the detective was somehow just humoring him—that he could escape at any time if he really wanted to—sure the detective had taken the occasional kick and swipe at him when L thought he wasn’t paying attention but, _Hell_ , Ryuuzaki hadn’t even tried to seriously injure him yet!

Light was fairly confident that he could just wait Misa out and wouldn’t have to resort to Plan B—even if she was creating a scene, there was nothing to worry about—he still had control of her notebook and Ryuk had promised to protect him from Rem so there was no way she could possibly be a threat to him. Light was glad for Ryuk’s help—things were so much easier now that he had a Shinigami helping him and… 

_Shit!_

What if Rem had given Misa a page of the note? It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility given the Shinigami’s loyalty towards the girl... 

That’s when Light noticed that Misa indeed held a torn piece of notebook paper in her hand.

_“YOU COME OUT OR I’LL KILL EVERYONE HERE!”_

_Double shit._ Light clenched his jaw along with his fists at his side and, seeing no other choice, slowly emerged from under the bush. It wasn’t anything particularly heroic—he could’ve and would’ve stayed under the bush as Misa slaughtered her way through his classmates even though it would weigh heavily on his conscience (he knew he should have, _would have_ killed her sooner if not for that meddling Shinigami!) If it was all the same to him, Light would have much preferred to remain hidden and safe—despite his willingness to sacrifice his life and mind and soul for the sake of justice he honestly wasn’t in any hurry to die. It was just after Misa’s announcement L had re-doubled his efforts to break free so unless he took the initiative L would intervene and that would be counterproductive to his attempt at keeping the man alive. 

“Stay put," Light hissed. "Whatever happens and whatever you hear _don’t_ let her see your face. She _will_ kill you.”

“The Second Kira.” 

“Yes,” Light admitted easily. After all, even if he’d uncovered the identity of the Second Kira that alone didn’t prove that he was Kira. 

Light startled as just before leaving the cover of the bush L suddenly tugged at his sleeve.

“Why?” he asked. 

And Light looked at his… friend for what might be for the last time. 

Why indeed?

Light gazed down at the spindly frogman with barely withheld contempt, and with Light’s jacket pulled over his head L looked all the more ridiculous.

 _Why?_

Other than that one time L had been almost human the weirdo detective had been nothing but rude to him—not to mention that the man had sought his destruction even as Light sought his. So why put his own ass on the line to save him? 

Light hardly knew the reason himself. He only knew that for some reason he’d been _incapable_ of killing L and he wasn’t fond of the idea of letting anyone else kill him either. It would just… _disappoint_ him if L were to die—that’s all—especially by the hand of that _idiot girl_. He just… L didn’t deserve that and Light wasn’t about to let that happen. If anyone was to kill L it should be him—L was _his_ and if L truly deserved to die he should be able to look him in the eye and write his name down. Unfortunately it seemed his fondness for the man “Ryuuzaki” was clouding his judgment against L, his enemy, and he was unable to bring him to justice for his crimes against Kira. Light was well-aware that this would be his undoing and Light truly hated him in that moment. L was the reason that, for the first time, Light had made plans for failure. 

Light gazed at the shivering form of the detective over his shoulder—there was still so much he wanted to say to him, mostly in the form of insults, but instead Light just shrugged and chuckled softly. “What are friends for?” 

Light cringed almost as soon as he said it. That was just so cheesy and doubtlessly L would never believe a word of it. L looked like he wanted to say something but Light opted to leave before he could hear any more of the detective’s accusations. 

_“WHO DIES FIRST?!”_ Misa screeched. 

_“Shit! Shit! SHIT”_

L froze next to him—no doubt shocked and appalled that his ever-polite Kira suspect would use that kind of language. 

Light blanched as soon as he emerged from his cover of Tohou’s decorative shrubs and noted the pink glitter pen in Misa's hand poised above her sheet of torn out Death Note paper. The kanji character for “night” already written on the page followed up swiftly with the character for “god.” Yagami—she had written his surname… and probably in the process of writing _his_ name—but that didn’t make sense! She wouldn’t get what she wanted from him from his corpse! But then again Misa wasn’t really behaving rationally at the moment… Given her threat to kill everyone—had his worst fears come true? Was she writing the name of one of his family? No. That was too horrible to consider. It had to be _his_ name. Thinking back to Misa’s threatening letters and declarations that he _belonged_ to her. Naturally—the next logical step would be: _“If I can’t have you no one will!”_

Light swallowed and stared at where Misa’s long, perfectly painted nails poised over the page. 

If it was his name there was only one four-stroke character left to go. (Four, a most unlucky number, so he had in essence been doomed to death and misfortune since the day he was born—thanks mom.) But _would_ it really kill him if Misa wrote his name? Yes, it was most definitely a Death Note but Light now knew that _Ryuk owned his death_ , he _belonged_ to Ryuk, but Light wasn’t sure he truly knew nor wanted to test what that _meant_ —at least not right away. Well sure, he didn't mind _belonging_ to Ryuk—the sex was great but then that was just another reason to be rather attached to his body. He knew _Rem_ couldn’t kill him but he wasn’t so sure about Misa. And while Light wouldn’t mind spending eternity with Ryuk he had, admittedly, grown a bit fond of living—a character flaw he’d more recently developed upon deciding his actions were just and necessary and he wasn’t as evil as he thought he was. Of course, _naturally_ —there was no one to kill him when he had _wanted_ to die and then _everyone_ was on his case when he wanted to live— _typical._

“Misa… _sweetie_ … you wouldn’t really… would you?” Light began with a disarming, open-armed expression only to be rewarded with a hard slap in the face. 

Light belatedly realized he must look a mess—what with the mud on his khakis and leaves in his hair, but even so Light still didn’t understand why Misa hadn’t fallen for his rugged, masculine charms—especially when just smiling and soft-spoken bullshit had always worked before.

“Woah, woah, woah!” Light held up his hands to try and avoid getting hit again by the weeping blonde. 

“Misa… I already came out! What more do you want?!” 

Misa evidently wasn’t familiar with the concept of a rhetorical question.

Light had no choice but to receive Misa’s squealing, flying tackle if he didn’t want to give away L’s hiding place. “Er… look, Misa…” Light began, attempting to once again delicately peel the clinging blonde off his arm. “You already know why we can’t be together…” Light trailed off. Rem glared at him threateningly while Misa wailed. Sure, she couldn’t kill him because of Ryuk but that didn’t make them any less of a threat. “Uh… Look… I’d be happy to hook you up with one of my classmates if you need help finding a new boyfriend…” 

Light was shocked silent when Misa abruptly slapped him again. 

_“WHO ARE YOU HIDING IN THERE?!”_ Misa demanded coldly, hands on her hips, and striking up a commanding pose that Light thought had no place on little miss blonde pigtails—dammit, that was _his_ look! 

Light swallowed—apparently Misa wasn’t as dumb as she looked. 

_What the hell is wrong with her?_ Light thought as the woman he’d come to mentally refer to as “the blonde psychobitch” struck him again. 

_“IT’S YOUR BOYFRIEND, ISN’T IT?! ISN’T IT?!”_ the blonde roared as she tried to push past him and he bodily blocked the bushes. 

Light knew he was being completely obvious but there was nothing else for it—he _couldn’t_ let her discover L and he didn’t think Misa would be placated this time by a kiss. Well, maybe she would but not only would that send the entirely wrong message when he was trying to break up with her but Light didn’t think he could stomach doing that again. 

_“LISTEN HERE YOU HO SKANK FAGGOT OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE! KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY LIGHT!”_ Misa screeched again, but just then fortune smiled on them—as Misa stomped towards Light, her heavy leather Gothic boot caught on a piece of uneven concrete, causing the blonde to stumble, releasing her hold on the Death Note paper. Light deftly stepped out of the way, snagging the sheet of death paper, shoving it into a deep side-pocket of his khaki pants, and, ever the gentleman, let Misa fall flat on her face. Light let out a sigh of relief when he saw that she hadn't finished writing the name ( _his name?_ ) and that no other names had been written on it yet. 

_Huh? A Skank-faggot._ Light thought idly in a vain attempt to retain his remaining sanity when Misa’s most recent pratfall failed to _shut her up_ (his poor eardrums would never be the same). _I actually haven’t heard that one before. I think he’s more of a skunk-froglet actually..._ Light just shook his head. He clearly wasn’t getting enough sleep lately, between worrying about Misa and L and entertaining Ryuk late into the night, and it was clearly starting to affect his mental performance. 

Light did his best to ignore the names of humans gawking and laughing at him—dammit, it was the café all over again—speaking of which… Light suppressed a groan when he caught sight of movement in the reflection of the darkened café window just across the way and saw L slowly getting up behind him leaving the cover of their hiding place. Light felt a tick forming in his left eye. 

_Dammit L! Stay in the bush! What part of “Stay put” did you fail to understand?! Why are things not going as planned today?! Oh. Of course. Misa and L are involved. I should have known…_

“Misa… _Misa!_ I’m not hiding anyone! I swear!" Light stalled when Misa tried to get past him again. "Come on, you don’t want to go in there—you’ll get your pretty lace skirt all dirty,” Light wheedled, wincing when he replayed his own words in his head and realized he was unconsciously channeling his mother. Well, why not? Light reasoned that it _worked_ —it got _Sayu_ to behave—however Misa _wasn’t_ Sayu, nor was she at all inclined to listen to him at the moment. Not even at Light’s suggestion that she was “pretty.” Apparently Misa had finally caught on to the fact that such pleasantries were utterly fake… Light tensed as he sensed L moving behind him and desperately sought to distract the blonde while positioning himself between Misa and L but he feared it was already too late. Without turning around or giving any indication he’d noticed L’s creeping, Light abruptly elbowed the man hard in the stomach—it was for his own good! There was a muffled “oof!” behind him and Light hoped that meant that L at least still had the good sense to keep his face covered because at that exact instant Misa rushed him—shoving him down into the dirt. Misa fell on top of him, tripping in the struggle as Light tried desperately to keep her from seeing L—too late, it seemed, since they all ended up somehow crashing together in a heap in the planter. 

Light breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed that at least L was still keeping most of his face covered with the jacket—he couldn’t read his name at the moment and that meant neither could Misa. 

It was at that exact moment that both Light and Misa recognized the sweater L was wearing by the pattern on the back—two dragons coiling around a tiger crushing a skull—it was the sweater Light had bought that day, the one she’d pretended not to see in his bag, the present that wasn’t for her.

Light hadn’t noticed before, too focused on getting L _far away_ from Misa; that and the design was printed on the back of the sweater and so ended up being concealed by L’s long black hair. He only noticed it now, as L struggled to untangle himself from the pile while keeping Light’s jacket firmly tied around his face. Light’s breath caught in his throat—L was actually wearing the sweater he got for him. He’d accepted his overture of… _friendship_ or whatever this was between them… or at least cared enough to pretend. 

Light’s stomach dropped as Misa was suddenly clawing at L’s face, trying to yank the jacket off. 

What if she had another page on her? 

Hell! What if Rem _gave_ her another page?

Well, Plan B it was then…

Light flung Misa off of L, tuning out Rem’s death threats. L renewed his struggles when Light gripped hold of him hard himself. 

_“RYUK!”_ Light shouted. 

Behind him Rem abruptly went silent and even Misa was staring at him like he’d lost it.

Light breathed a sigh of relief as he and L were both enveloped in dark wings.

“Light Yagami… _Ryuk!_ What are you doing?” Rem demanded but it was already too late to interfere. 

“Ryuk, _NOW!_ ”

Ryuk opened the portal. 

***

 _“You’re insane!”_ Rem staggered back, roaring out of fear for Misa as the portal ravaged the greenbelt park of Tohou campus—as was to be expected from opening the portal. _Every_ Shinigami knew this—even Ryuk should have known better than this! You don’t open the portal so close to the ground! You could accidentally kill a human that wasn’t dinner and the Shinigami King didn’t like it when all that lifespan went to waste. Rem gripped Misa hard to prevent her from being sucked into the vortex to be torn asunder—or from trying to throw herself after them. 

Misa shrieked when the portal then winked out of existence, taking Ryuk and company with it. 

Misa stood, staring, _gaping_ at where the portal had been. 

“But… what about our wedding?” Misa sniffled. 

Rem threw up her hands.


	3. Chapter 3

Ryuk flew them through a warping, twisting crazy slide of flashy lights—Light found the experience somewhat akin to watching the opening of a _Doctor Who_ episode—but with more vertigo and he had the peculiar sensation that he'd left his stomach back in the other dimension. Light was sure Ryuuzaki would appreciate it—he was after all, supposedly, British. That was... he would if he could see—Light’s red jacket was still draped ridiculously over his face but Light didn’t dare let go to move it—he was afraid that one of these violent turns would snap his hold as it was. Light imagined L was in the same predicament given how he too clung to him and Ryuk tightly and with all his strength. 

Light had taken the trip back and forth a couple of times, he thought he would be used to it, but then _that_ was the first time he ever had Ryuk try opening the portal from ground level. Ryuk usually flew up to altitude before opening the portal as a safety precaution—a precaution they no longer had the luxury of following. True, it had been a highly dangerous stunt but letting Misa read L’s name would have been _deadly_ —at least as far as the raven-haired frogman clinging to his lapels was concerned. 

Flits of mist and light darted around them even as Ryuk dove and glided through the tunnel of lights. One might just take the glowing amorphous white blobs for the shades of departed humans—if things such as ghosts existed—they really did kind of looked like the stereotypical ghost found on Halloween candy—but Ryuk had told him that such things as Heaven or Hell did not exist and Light took that to mean that there was no afterlife. He supposed that, like all things theological, was up for debate, but Light actually found that comforting to know that the Evil he put down wasn’t coming back.

At least it was comforting so long as he wasn’t pondering his own death… like right now as Ryuk took a sudden turn so sharply Light was sure his hair had turned white. Light recalled that the sight of the tunnel had been beautiful the first time he'd taken the trip but now it somehow seemed far more hazardous. There were far more of these violent twists and turns than Light remembered from last time—was that because they opened the portal closer to the ground? Light wasn’t exactly sure why that should matter—it was a wormhole of sorts, it was still folding space-time no matter where that space was in position to the other side. Maybe Ryuk was struggling a bit more because he had to navigate the passage while carrying two people...

 _Shit!_

Light clung to Ryuk and he clung to L and he did not let go even as they burst out through the other end—through the great luminescent crater pool, the Well of Souls, that formed in the floor of the otherwise dark bottom cavern, deep within the vast catacombs of The Shinigami Realm. Ryuk hung in the air and the darkness, flapping his wings idly and taking a moment to center himself while Light watched the not-ghosts flittng in and out of the eerie glowing pool that filled the crater—a pool which was obviously not water but an always-active portal. 

If the Shinigami had needed to breathe this was probably where he would have taken a deep breath to ready himself. Ryuk didn’t need to breath and paused briefly only for the sake of his passengers. 

Ryuk dove back in. 

They came out the other side in a whole other part of the human world. Ryuk wasn’t sure exactly where, really, except that the ocean was beneath them. That wasn’t very helpful—the Shinigami recalled that Light once told him the Earth’s surface was 72% water so that would be like trying to navigate a human city by using a Starbucks as a landmark. (Ryuk wondered if one had sprung up in the Shinigami Realm in his absence—he was sure it was only a matter of time. Hell—if they made that delicious apple cider he’d be all for it!) 

_“Focus!”_ Light snapped testily, interrupting the Shinigami’s apple daydreams—Ryuk wasn’t sure how Light always knew—he was probably tipped off by the vacant look in his eyes and the slight droplet of drool oozing down from between his fangs. 

“I _am_ focusing,” Ryuk grunted in annoyance between wingbeats but secretly he was pleased. He loved it when Light fearlessly bossed him around. That was _exciting_ … and it made all the times that he bedded him all the more pleasing. 

“On the plan, you dolt! Not…” _Not me._

Light felt himself blushing but given their current situation he couldn’t even give him a proper scolding. The brunet gave a strangled yelp as Ryuk held him tighter—slightly squeezing his ass. 

“This is not the time nor place!” Light hissed.

Meanwhile L, blissfully ignorant of the byplay, finally managed to see what was going on around him when Light’s red jacket fell off his head to be swallowed up by the crashing waves far below. 

A pity—Light liked that jacket, but he consoled himself that in the grand scheme of things the jacket was no big loss—frankly Light was surprised he hadn’t lost it during their interdimensional flight. It could have been worse—it could have been _Ryuuzaki_. As annoying as the man could be Light had the feeling he’d miss L a whole lot more. 

L let out a surprised cry upon seeing they were somehow suspended in the air above the ocean and instinctively clung tighter to Light. 

Light blushed hotter. 

Dammit, why did this always happen to him?!

“Please Ryuk… just…” _Just take us home._ _“The Plan,”_ Light prompted. 

“And what plan would that be?” L interjected in between clenched teeth. 

“Hold on tight, Ryuuzaki—we have to… do that again.”

 _“AGAIN?!”_ L exclaimed in a rare show of emotions but they were already jumping again. 

Ryuk would make the crossing multiple times, taking a different exit each time, because Light was paranoid and he was sure Misa would get Rem to try and follow them—a not unreasonable assumption given the blonde’s prior behavior. 

L’s scream was far worse than the only other time Light ever heard him engage in such theatrics—upon hearing the word “Shinigami” on the Second Kira’s broadcast—and Light hoped he hadn’t deafened him. Thankfully he’d stopped screaming somewhere around the third jump though Light supposed it had more to do with the detective catching his breath than having actually calmed down. 

Ryuk burst through the portal for a final time, once again bringing them to the Shinigami Realm, and then continued to fly up through the dark, mountain caverns. Light clung to his Shinigami, trusting him to know the way and not smash them against the cavern walls. Light noticed that L clung to them too, he had his eyes squeezed shut and he sounded like he was whimpering. Light wanted to tell him that they were alright now but he knew L was unlikely to believe him. He wouldn’t be able to hear him anyway over the roar of the rushing wind. 

When Ryuk finally deposited them back on solid ground Light almost wished it had taken them longer, _ALMOST,_ because now that they had arrived… he had no idea what to say. 

Light took a deep breath to begin his explanations and apologies… but that train of thought was derailed entirely when L threw up all over his pristine white dress shirt.

Light held in his own disgust and clung to his friend as he realized it must have been quite an ordeal for the _hikikomori_ detective—hell, the trip must have been even worse for L given he had no idea what was happening, he’d dragged him along without warning, and he hadn’t even been able to see for part of the journey. Light made what he thought were soothing, shushing noises and patted his friend’s overly tense back… 

“Where are we?” L demanded as soon as soon as he was able, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

The detective glared at Light and then froze, his gaze traveling upwards as he caught sight of Ryuk—L’s already bugged out eyes widened impossibly further and he let out a strangled yelp. Light was unsurprised that L could see Ryuk—Light found he could see other Shinigami ever since Ryuk brought him to the Shinigami Realm even though he never touched their notebooks—he'd been able to see all of the other Shinigami as soon as he had touched the ground. Perhaps just by virtue of coming here this world had accepted him as one of its own—Light had found the idea comforting but if that slight tremor L was currently experiencing was any indication Ryuuzaki apparently did not share the same sentiment. 

**“You’re in the Shinigami Realm also known as The Land of the Dead. I bid you welcome travelers!”** Ryuk announced with a flourish of claws.

Light shook his head, exasperated. “Cut it out, Ryuk.” 

Dammit! Overblown theatrics were _his thing_.

 **“Now, Light it doesn’t hurt to be polite. It’s rare enough we get visitors.”**

“You’re scaring him!” Light argued moments before L planted an elbow strike in Light’s solar plexus and knocked the wind right out of him. But Light still hadn’t let go—not when L hit him and not when he’d lost his lunch on his shirt either. Intellectually Light knew it was safe now, they were on solid ground and it would be alright to let Ryuuzaki go—it would probably have been better if he had but his arms had yet to catch up with his brain. His arms still seemed to think that if he let L go he’d be lost forever and so they clung tighter. Yet even though Light kept a firm grip around his midsection, L still managed to spin around in Light’s hold (slippery as an eel and ripping the sweater Light gave him) until they were face to face and oh-so-close—for a moment Light was just stunned by L’s sudden closeness (L was close enough it would take no effort at all to lean forward and claim those sweet lips with his…) L kneed him in the stomach and _that_ forced Light to let go. As Light staggered backwards L followed up with a flying spin kick to the face.

 **“Oh yes, he looks _real_ scared. I can see that now,”** Ryuk remarked as L put Light flat on his back. 

“Shut up,” Light groaned from the ground as he watched L’s retreating back. “Well, _shit,_ " Light cursed again with his new favorite word today when the back of his head found a soft and smoky pile of ash, sending him into a coughing fit. 

***

L felt the cool ashen ground beneath the bare soles of his feet, grains of the stuff sticking irritatingly between his toes as he ran, and he for once lamented his choice to go barefoot. L normally wasn’t one for shoes but for once it wasn’t his own fault—he had actually started out the day with loose fitting sneakers for the sake of attending classes at Touhou—sneakers that were currently sitting on his abandoned park bench back at Touhou campus, left behind when Light had so abruptly kidnapped him. L wasn’t sure what was going on anymore but one thing was clear—allowing himself to remain under Light’s power would lead to nothing good. He knew he needed to put some distance between Light and the… _monster_ that had presumably grabbed them on Light’s orders... 

L stopped abruptly when he reached the edge of a sheer cliff. The peculiar detective gaped out at the surrounding lands—a blank, grey, barren, and depressing landscape as far as the eye could see—broken only by the occasional litter pile of bones and broken machines. 

They weren’t in Tokyo anymore. 

***

“God _fucking_ dammit,” Light groaned as he tried to rub the ashes out of his once perfect hair. “I’m gonna kill him.” 

**“I thought you made me bring him up here so he _wouldn’t_ die. Wouldn’t that be a bit counterproductive?”** Ryuk pointed out as he helpfully divested Light of his ruined shirt. 

Light sighed and tried to put a lid on his simmering anger—you try to help people and look where it gets you. 

_Well, what did I expect from L? Ungrateful bastard._

Light’s first impulse was to fly into a rage and chase after Ryuuzaki but at the soothing feeling of Ryuk’s hand on his stomach well… the anger just sort of… drained away.

Light tried to look at this logically and decided that Ryuuzaki probably hadn’t run just to piss him off, though it certainly felt that way to Light, and upon a mental exercise of imagining himself in Ryuuzaki’s position realized that Ryuuzaki must be terrified. This probably went beyond a mere apology then—an apology cake was in order. Ryuuzaki would probably like that. That is, if he ever saw him again. 

“Carry me,” Light ordered. “And don’t bother with the shirt. It’s hopeless.” 

**“Alright.”** Ryuk readily agreed as he once again grew out his wings. **“I think I like you better without a shirt anyway,”** The Shinigami smirked at the blushing boy in his arms. 

“I meant after him,” Light hissed as Ryuk flew them back up to his… no, _their_ cave— _home_ from now on. 

**“He won’t go far and I don’t like the look of that bruise—he got you good.”**

Light winced slightly as Ryuk gently rubbed his talon against his cheek, tracing the blossoming bruise. 

“Yeah…” Light sighed wistfully. “He did.” 

Ryuk flared his wings, cresting a ridge and landed near their cave. Light frowned to himself as he once again took in the rather impressive vista of the Shinigami realm. 

“I still don’t like the idea of leaving Ryuuzaki out _there_ to fend for himself.” 

**“Light I know you. If you chase after him now when you’re both all pissy it will just make things a hundred times worse. And you know L—when he calms down he’ll be back—he’ll want answers.”**

“You can’t know that!” Light snapped, the worry clearly shown on his face as he stared out at the barren landscape. He pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead, wringing his hand in his hair. “ _Dammit!_ I didn’t get him away from Misa just so that he could fucking die in the Shinigami Realm! _Shit!_ Even someone as intelligent and resourceful as L couldn’t possibly survive out there for long without assistance!” 

The only reason Light could have considered moving up here was because he’d heavily planned for it. With Ryuk’s assistance he had already set up caches of perishable and non-perishable food and water that would last them several months and when those ran out he had Ryuk to retrieve groceries for him. 

**“Look, if he doesn’t turn up I’ll find him for you—I promise,”** Ryuk assured him with a wink and a nod towards a pile of rocks and Light just managed to hold in his exclamation upon that discovery—rock piles in the Shinigami realm didn’t typically have black spikes on top of them, or rather _behind_ them. Of course. L had been here the entire time and been listening to every word they said. 

The bastard. 

“Okay,” Light assented with a sigh and allowed Ryuk to carry him across the threshold to their new home.


	4. Chapter 4

“Get away from him you… _monster!_ ” 

Light just had time to blink as the rock sailed through Ryuk’s phased out form. 

“Ryuuzaki? What are you doing?” Light asked with some concern as L picked up another rock. 

Naturally when Light and the monster had retired to their cave L had crept after them and ended up walking in on a scene of Light bruised, shirtless, and chained to a wall. And then of course there was that _monster_ all over him…. 

_“What am I…?!”_ L looked at his suspect as if he’d spontaneously grown another head as Light allowed the monster to pick up a rock of his own and was pressing it gently against Light’s bruised cheek. Well, calling it a rock was really a misnomer—it looked more like an emerald—the smooth, absinthial green gemstone gleamed oddly in the unnatural torchlight of a matching green—L wondered if there was any connection. 

“Er… L, I mean Ryuuzaki, meet my Shinigami, Ryuk… Ryuk… you already know Ryuuzaki.” 

L’s already ashen face paled further. 

“You already know me…”

Ryuk shrugged. **“I figure you learn a lot about a person when you carry them screaming in between dimensions.”**

“And he’s _YOUR Shinigami?_ ” 

Ryuk nodded. **“Light and I share a special bond.”**

L took in the scene of half-naked Light chained to the wall and the Shinigami looming in, so close to him, and L's genius brain quickly came to conclusions. 

“So… he’s not using you for a ritual sacrifice?” L asked, almost hopefully. 

Light blinked again. “That’s what you thought was happening?” 

L hopped up to crouch, frog-like, on top of a boulder near the mouth of the cave just to better stare at them. 

Ryuk spoke slowly, as if speaking to a small child. **“Bruise...”** he said pointing out the blossoming bruise that L’s foot had left on Light’s cheek. The detective swallowed nervously when Ryuk had pointed at it with one of those sinister dark talons of his and suddenly L was once again afraid this monster would hurt _his Light_ (willfully ignoring the fact that he was the one who put the bruise there in the first place. And he was _his Light,_ “special bonds” with supernatural beings notwithstanding.) L’s attention was abruptly drawn back to the Shinigami as he pointed again, this time at the green gemstone in his hands. **“Cool rock.”**

It was L’s turn to blink (which was a novel experience for Light—come to think of it, he didn’t think he’d ever seen L blink before...) “Yes, it’s a cool rock. So?” 

**“No. It’s a _cool rock._ As in temperature. An ice pack might be in order on Earth but water is kind of scarce up here and the green rocks are always cool to the touch.”**

“And it won’t mutate him into some six winged monstrosity or a giant snake?” 

Ryuk shrugged. **“I don’t know.”**

_“You don’t know?!” “What do you mean you don't know!”_ L and Light exclaimed simultaneously.

 **“What? I’ve never had a human up here before. I just heard that a cold compress were good for humans—for, like, bruises and stuff and I knew this stone was cold so… _What?_ ”** Ryuk snapped, slightly cowed under the weight of the two humans’ intimidating glares. **“I’ve never had a pet before!”**

Light began choking and L let out a loud, sharp laugh. 

“Pet! You’re _his pet?!_ ” 

Light glared at L before his expression slowly morphed into a mischievous smirk. 

“Yes. I’m his pet.” 

L abruptly stopped laughing and looked very disturbed as the Shinigami rumbled in delight, put his hands on Light’s bare shoulders, and closed the distance between them. 

"You’re _his pet?!_ ” L said again.

"I thought we already established that." 

"YOU'RE _his pet?!_ ” 

Well... it seemed like they'd broken him. 

Light nodded again, slowly. “He protects me. He makes me feel safe. He’s a good master.” 

L choked. 

“Light-kun… if he’s hurting you…” 

“It’s completely consensual.” 

Then Light saw what he never expected to see—the normally “emotionless” detective freaking out. 

_“Then why is Light-kun chained to the wall?!”_

“Er… actually, we weren't using it like that this time... er, I mean, Ryuk seemed to think that I was going to chase after you and get us both killed.”

L just stared at him, his blank, unnerving stare. 

“Er… He wasn’t wrong… I mean—to do that. I was quite upset with you...” 

“ _You_ were upset with _me?!_ ” L hissed indignantly. 

Light startled as the detective abruptly threw up his hands, gesturing pointedly at the entrance of the strange cave. 

“We really are on _another world,_ aren’t we?” 

**“That’s what we said…”** Ryuk remarked and Light winced at the display of raw emotion on the detective’s face. L who was normally so cold, so reserved—it was disturbing. 

Was he truly… _afraid?_

No. _No!_ That was not his intention! 

“Woah, L, I mean Ryuuzaki… Could you just calm down? Why are you freaking out like this? It’s not like you.” 

Light was taken aback once again when L’s apparent fear abruptly morphed into anger. 

“You kidnapped me, blindfolded me,” L began with dangerous calm as he ticked things off on his overly long fingers “had your… _Shinigami_ friend fly me through some interdimensional rollercoaster, stranded me on another world—”

“Not stranded…” Light began but L wasn’t finished.

“ _I think I have every right to ‘freak out!’_ And then… and then I find out _YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THAT… THING?!_ ” 

Ryuk and Light just looked at each other wearing matching expressions of irritation. _That was fucking rude!_

_“WE’RE ON AN ALIEN PLANET!! IS THERE EVEN AIR?!”_

“Now that’s a stupid question—if there wasn’t air you wouldn’t be able to yell at me.” 

“ _DID YOU EVEN THINK TO CHECK?_ ” L snapped, shoving him. 

The chains jingled as Light folded his arms across his chest and glared at the Shinigami, effectively deflecting blame. “Well, Ryuk?”

**“I figured you’d be alright. You know… because of the thing.”**

Light resisted the urge to face palm. _Real subtle, Ryuk._

“And what about L?” 

**“He’s breathing, isn’t he?”**

Light snapped to attention when he saw L collapse, hyperventilating. 

“No, _he’s not! Unchain me!_ ” 

Ryuk quickly complied and Light bolted to L’s perching boulder and somehow managed to catch the teetering detective before he hit the ground. Light swiftly commenced to perform CPR. Though, as it turned out, L’s collapse was more due to panic than from lack of oxygen. 

L was abruptly brought back to awareness at the sensation of Light’s lips locked on his. That ended quickly when L, once again, kneed him in the stomach. 

L bit his thumb again when Light fell to the floor beside him and curled in on himself. Okay, maybe his aim was off and he hit a little bit too low. The detective felt a pang of guilt when he realized that Light had been attempting to resuscitate him—not having his way with him. No, that would be a decidedly different experience. For one thing, L was pretty sure he’d come out on top… 

L flinched when the Shinigami glared at him before offering Light the cool green rock again. 

Light ever politely declined with a shake of his head. “I still can’t believe you used some weird magic rock on me without knowing its effects!”

“Hey Light-kun… maybe it’s Kryptonite!” L suggested giddily and Light wondered if the detective was in the middle of some sort of mental breakdown. 

Ryuk rolled his eyes. **“Or maybe it’s just a rock.”**

“Do you think it will give you superpowers?” 

“Dammit Ryuuzaki! Stop poking it!”

“Or _did_ it give you superpowers? Could this rock perhaps be the source of Kira’s powers!” L exclaimed in an “Aha!” moment. “This rock could be the murder weapon!” 

**“It’s just a rock…”** Ryuk insisted again. **“But then again I suppose you could kill someone with it if you hit them over the head with it.”** The Shinigami shrugged and casually tossed it over to L. **“You can keep the sparkly rock if you want. There’s plenty more where that came from.”**

"You don't even know what it does!" Light protested, exasperated as L put the sparkly rock in his jeans pocket. 

"Thank you, Ryuk," L said softly and then he stared up at the monster like it had only _just_ occurred to him that he was speaking to a Shinigami. For the first time Light wondered if Ryuuzaki might have been traumatized from being ripped through dimensions and going places humans were not meant to go and seeing things humans were not meant to see. For that matter why would it traumatize _Ryuuzaki_ when it didn’t affect him in the least? 

L tilted his head and regarded Ryuk inquiringly. “Is it true Shinigami only eat apples?”

 **“Oh, not _only_ apples,”** Ryuk cackled, looking pointedly at Light while smacking his lips.

L unconsciously put his thumb to his own lips as he watched the young man he knew to be Kira most definitely _blushing_ as red as a tomato. 

L gasped in horror as the monster was suddenly picking up an indignant (and definitely not _shrieking_ ) Light to lick sloppily at his neck.

**“There’s another _light_ flavor I discovered in the human world that I very much enjoy.”**

Light groaned and buried his face in Ryuk’s chest in embarrassment. 

**“He’s really quite delectable. You should try him sometime,”** the Shinigami stage-whispered conspiratorially at the detective in between fervent licks that once again messed up Light’s perfect hair. 

_“Ryuuuk!”_ Light whined in mortification.

L’s large black eyes seemed to grow as big as dinner plates as Light shifted uncomfortably in the Shinigami’s hold but overall just seemed to accept his fate, even going so far as to affectionately embrace the creature, throwing his arms around the monster’s broad feathered shoulders. 

**“What? I know you like him and I wouldn’t mind sharing. Especially if got that ass too.”**

“Am I not enough for you?” Light growled. 

Ryuk laughed. **“ _Now_ who’s the jealous one?”**

L gaped as Light kissed the Shinigami aggressively only to be quickly overwhelmed by Ryuk’s more skilled tongue. For some odd reason the detective couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy as his favorite Kira suspect allowed himself to be dominated and seemed to melt, moaning in Ryuk’s arms. L was disgusted, confused… and more than a little aroused. 

“What?” Light demanded when he saw L gaping at him. Lord knows he should have been used to L staring at him by now but somehow, this time, L’s stares were even _more_ unnerving than usual. This time there seemed to be some unnamed emotion behind them. The way L was looking at him frankly made his skin crawl, what with the way they seemed to pierce to his very soul… He wasn’t sure if L wanted him or wanted to hurt him. 

Maybe it was both. 

Not that his own feelings for the detective were any less confusing or disturbing. Even Light was aware that this… obsession they held for each other was not healthy by any stretch of the imagination. Light fidgeted in Ryuk’s arms and tried to ignore how nice L’s dark hair looked just then in its pleasant disarray—all wild and windswept from their journey. 

Ryuk, sensing Light's discomfort, put him down again and Light attempted to find and reassert his lost dignity.

“Why did Light-kun bring me here?” L asked, working hard to keep his voice steady and betraying nothing of what he was feeling. 

Light swallowed when it occurred to him that he’d been more concerned about saving L then coming up with a plausible story of why he was, uh _BFFs_ with a Shinigami that didn’t involve Kira. He had yet to decide a course of action should L out him as Kira. So far Plan B was just… running away—just staying here, severing ties with everyone he knew, and not speaking to any of them ever again. He didn’t need them anyway. He’d still have Ryuk and his Death Note and that’s really all that mattered.

“She would have killed you, you know.”

L blinked slowly. “How did Light-kun know Misa was the Second Kira?”

“Aside from the fact that she told me? Ryuk gave me the power to detect Kira… for my own protection,” Light answered honestly. Though he was leery of admitting to so much but after this… it was best to appear valuable to L if they wanted to stay friends in any capacity. 

“Are you saying you know who Kira is?” 

“I’m saying I’ll know him if I see him. Or at least the one using Kira’s power. I suppose it is possible Kira might lend his powers to someone else in order to shift the blame…” 

“Tell me Light, when searching for Kira… have you tried a mirror?”

“Ha hah. Very funny Ryuuzaki.” 

“But that still begs the question—why has Light-kun not come forward with this information?”

“I had planned to tell you, Ryuuzaki… _everything._ But I would have preferred to wait until I found Kira and could actually prove it was him.” 

L shot him a look which essentially translated to _“are you shitting me?!”_

Of course someone like Kira wouldn’t admit to it—even now… _Especially now._ It was a fundamental law of human nature—the less someone has left the more they would cling to it... 

“I know that until I find Kira and provide you with solid proof that he was the killer you would continue to cling to this ridiculous notion that I am Kira.”

“Hmmmm…” L nibbled on his thumbnail and Light wondered if L was actually considering the lie he’d spun. “You are assuming Kira is male.” L observed and it was Light’s turn to blink. 

“Based on _your_ profile, Ryuuzaki,” Light reminded him.

“ _Our_ profile, Light-kun.” 

“Fine. Until I… or _we_ find him or _her._ You know I had considered that Misa might be Kira but she doesn’t _quite_ fit our profile so I figured it would be safest to assume she was the second Kira. That, and as I mentioned before, she told me.” 

“Which reminds me… why _did_ Misa tell you? It just doesn’t seem like Kira, _any Kira,_ to just up and admit to it.” 

“Well, it seems that due to my bond with Ryuk she mistook me for Kira.”

“A common occurrence it appears,” L murmured around his thumb. 

“Well, yes. _Obviously_ I couldn’t share him with you without you accusing me!”

L was unnerved as the Shinigami cackled as if Light had just said something really dirty. 

The inadvertent innuendo seemed lost on Light (who continued to give all the reasons why he wasn’t Kira) but it wasn’t lost on L. The detective felt his face beginning to heat up with the lightest dusting of pink. 

**_“I wouldn’t mind sharing him with you. You should try him sometime.”_** The thing had tempted.

L swallowed. He’d done stranger things… 

The world renowned detective violently shook his head. 

Business before pleasure. 

Damn. Light was still talking. He sure loved to talk a lot… 

“…Besides why should Ryuk be blamed for the actions of another Shinigami? I wanted to protect my er… friend.”

“Friend?” L stated in blatant disbelief.

 **“Yes, Light. I’m your _friend?_ ”** Ryuk purred.

“Er… _Boyfriend._ ” Light admitted, blushing. 

It was official—Light Yagami was the cutest mass murderer L had ever laid eyes on. 

L blinked as he became aware that Light wasn’t finished—while he was staring unabashedly at the handsome young man, Light had gotten to talking again. Light had a nice voice—so L didn’t entirely blame him for liking the sound of it. 

“…I had no choice. I had no way of telling you without incriminating myself and because of my relationship with Ryuk you and the investigators are sure to brand me as Kira.”

“Again, not a farfetched assumption,” L readily agreed, leveling him with his penetrating stare. 

Light sighed again and wrung his hands in his hair. “I like you, Ryuuzaki. Even though you can be a stubborn ass!”

Ryuk snickered and even the cold detective managed to crack a slight smile. 

“Does that mean that Light-kun perhaps has access to Kira’s powers?” L asked ever-so-innocently. 

Light sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d already admitted he had supernatural powers and it would only look worse for him if he concealed the fact that he had them and then went on to kill someone later in order to keep a certain obnoxious, _ungrateful_ detective from dying… “Even if I did that doesn’t mean I would use them!” 

“Hmmmm… you’re right. It _doesn’t_ look good for you.” 

“You know my dad, like most of the police, carries a gun. That doesn’t mean he goes out shooting people! Even if I _could_ kill like Kira it doesn’t mean I would! Powers over death are not to be taken lightly!” Light snapped. 

L snorted and it took Light a long, paranoid minute to figure out why.

 _Oh._

Yet _another_ pun about his name. 

Just _lovely._

“Oh, _grow up,_ ” Light huffed at the disturbing, giggling detective. 

“Hmmmm….” L resumed sucking his thumb even as he fixed Light with his dark, unblinking gaze. “What I don’t understand is how Light-kun knew there was a plot to murder me in the first place.” 

That one was easy. 

“Ryuk tipped me off.”

Ryuk nodded **“I saw her coming.”**

L frowned. “And you panicked.” 

“What? _No…_ ” 

“I was never in danger, Light-kun… In fact, I had a plan in place to take the second Kira into custody today...” L insisted. 

Light gaped at the smugly smiling detective. “In that case it was a crappy plan! _She was going to kill you, Ryuuzaki!_ If we hadn’t hidden your face you would have died then!” 

“Why? She had no reason to kill me. I was just another student.”

Light stared at Ryuuzaki, exasperated. _Your name is fucking L! Even an idiot like Misa could have put two and two together!_ Light internally raged, but he held his tongue and resisted the urge to glance above L's head. 

“Aside from the fact that you are L and she’s the Second Kira? She’s completely unhinged! You know she’s the one who put me in the hospital. She’s quite… overly attached. What with mistaking me for Kira and all…” 

**“Not to mention that Light is hot,”** Ryuk chimed in. 

“Yes, er… that. Anyway, she has every intention of “killing the competition” and she assumed you were Ryuk…”

L made a strangled noise. 

“…or rather my boyfriend.” 

L clenched his jaw slightly. “I see.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“You should have told me, Light-kun.” 

“I know. I’m sorry, Ryuuzaki. I would have told you eventually—I just wanted to clear my name. When Misa told me she was the second Kira I had hoped that this might give us a lead to Kira’s true identity. Unfortunately…”

 **“Her obsession was more than we could handle,”** Ryuk finished for him. Ryuk just shrugged when Light shot him an irritated glare. Ryuk knew Light liked to seem perfect and all but really, even Ryuk knew that his trying to seem all Godly and omniscient and all really wasn't helping his case. 

“And now I’ve been burned. Again, I’m sorry, Ryuuzaki. Misa is just too… deranged and obsessed with Kira to be a good fount of information. But I suppose she didn’t know in any case… it seems she really thought I was Kira.” 

**“You fucked up, Light.”** Ryuk helpfully put in.

Light held in his temper tantrum and settled for a dejected “I know.”

“Yes,” L agreed in his usual monotone. 

Light glared at him. “No need to rub it in.” 

“At least she would have been distracted,” L mumbled distractedly. “I am sure Misa is in custody by now.” 

“Misa isn’t to be underestimated!" Light suddenly snapped, "I thought I had neutralized her too when I… er, stole her powers. But then Rem, her Shinigami, granted them again! If she saw your face she would have killed you! Then there’s the matter of Rem. She is completely loyal to Misa. If Rem thought you were threatening Misa, your life would be forfeit!” 

“Is that so?” L frowned. “Is the same true of you and Ryuk?” 

**“Me?”** Ryuk laughed. **“Light is a big boy and can take care of himself.”** The Shinigami insisted, though L did note how the Shinigami crept subtly closer to hover behind the brunet. 

“You stole her powers? Does that mean Light-kun has the powers of the Second Kira?”

“Well… actually, as I said, Ryuk gave me the ability to find Kira… that includes the ability to see names. I’ve had that ability for quite a while.” 

L blanched. “Any reason you didn’t mention you knew my name?” 

L had thought Kira would want to gloat about it at the very least. 

“I figured you hid it for a reason. You asked me to call you Ryuuzaki so I’ll call you Ryuuzaki,” Light shrugged. “It’s only polite.” 

“You’re bluffing. You don’t know my name.” 

“Though I thought it was rather impressive of you, _L_ … the way you hid it in plain sight.”

L froze in fear and when he spoke again it was barely a whisper. “You really do know.” 

“Yes. Ryuuzaki, I’ve known your name for the last week.” For a tense moment Light was sure L was going to kick him again. _“I’ve told no one,”_ Light insisted as he massaged his temples. “I’m not Kira!” 

“You’ve told no one?” L insisted. 

“Well, Ryuk knows, naturally but I didn’t tell him, he’s a Shinigami—he knows everyone’s name, in fact he knew before I did but Shinigami don’t just go telling humans the names of other humans. We both agree—your name is your business. And no, I’m _not_ trying to kill you. If you manage to get your stubborn ass killed it won’t be my doing,” Light looked him right in the eye. “You have my word on that.” 

“And what about _Ryuk?_ ”

The Shinigami shrugged. **“I’ve got no problem with you. I like you.”**

L eyed the grinning clown monster wearily. “You _like_ me?”

The Shinigami shrugged again. **“I like watching you. You’re entertaining. So is Light. And Light likes you too. So no, I won’t kill you.”**

L blinked slowly. “But… isn’t that what Shinigami do?” 

**“I don’t need to feed on humans for several centuries. If you are somehow still alive by that time then rest assured I will find my meals elsewhere.”**

“Kira can control the time of death,” L muttered to himself. “I suppose I’ll know for sure if I’m still alive in a year’s time…” 

“You might _consider_ the possibility of my innocence?”

“Or at the very least, for some _unfathomable_ reason, Kira doesn’t want to kill me.” 

_“I’m not Kira!”_ Light snapped indignantly. 

L rolled his eyes, “Of _course_ you’re not. The Second Kira just _happened_ to think you were…” 

L froze again, eyes widening in realization. 

_The Second Kira! Oh no..._

He had to get back—he needed to warn the officers. L didn’t think they would rough up or threaten the female suspect but he still felt the need to warn them just in case they did something to set off Rem. 

“I need to get back,” L murmured aloud. 

Light nodded. He’d been expecting this, sooner or later, though privately he’d been hoping for later. 

“Ryuk will take you down,” Light assented. 

L frowned. “You’re not coming,” the detective observed. 

“I think it’s for the best if I stay here—at least until you’ve caught Kira. I’m of no further use to your investigation and I’ve already told you everything I know. I would just be a… _distraction_ to you.” 

The raven frowned. Naturally, L was well aware that most of what Light had said was bullshit. (Of course it was. Light _was_ Kira.) But L was also well aware that Light had the upper hand here. 

If Light really wanted to stay here the detective doubted he could get Ryuk to take them back down to Earth where L would have him detained at the very least—tried and executed if he could just get enough evidence. That Light was bound to a Shinigami was probably enough to push for a circumstantial case. L felt a bit bad about what was going to happen now that he’d gotten to know Light but he ruthlessly pushed down such sentiments. That was Light’s fault for being a murderer, not his for doing his job. He was L. He wasn’t supposed to be letting his personal feelings interfere with his job. 

(Dammit. _Kira_ had no right to be so… _sweet!_ L could never resist _sweet…_ ) 

Yes, L was just doing his job… but to his knowledge there was no extradition treaty with the Shinigami Realm. Well, Kira or not it looked like he’d have to let him go… 

For now L would just have to cut his losses, focus on the Second Kira, and worry about getting Light another time—he already had several plans forming in his mind… 

**“Yes, I’ll take you down. You can ride me. I promise I’ll be gentle.”**

Light coughed and Ryuk winked at him.

 **“Wait for me, lovely. Why don’t you put on that thong I got you? The leather one?”**

“O-okay.” The killer turned a deeper shade of red when he seemingly remembered their audience. Light turned to see the detective staring at him unabashedly while shoving his fingers into his own mouth. Light fidgeted awkwardly—he could have sworn that the detective was just a walking oral fixation.

L barely held in a gasp when the younger man blushed most adorably. Perhaps it was for the best—as long as Light stayed in the Shinigami Realm he couldn’t arrest him and they could continue being… friends. 

“Well Light… um... I’ll see you around,” L said softly. 

Light just shook his head. “No… you won’t,” Light smiled ruefully. “You know it’s a one way trip. This is good-bye.” 

“Like _hell_ it is.” L snapped. 

“As long as you think I’m Kira, even if I wanted to, I can’t return.”

L frowned, and worried at his thumb nail. “Does… does Light-kun want me to stay with him?”

Light looked stunned by the offer for a half a moment… before vigorously shaking his head no. 

“No. I wouldn’t ask that… I _couldn’t_ ask that of you. You’re L and… I understand. I mean, the things you do for the world… you _have_ to go.” 

L wondered if he truly saw a flash of heartbreak in the brunet’s whiskey-colored eyes or if it was just wishful thinking.

L nodded and, with some trepidation, accepted Ryuk’s hand up so that he was riding on the Shinigami’s shoulders. L wasn’t sure what prompted the change but he was grateful for it—it was a much more dignified position than being flung and carried about. 

“ _Sayōnara,_ Ryuuzaki.” Light said wistfully as he bade him farewell, though his posture was rigid and dignified—trying to cling to his image of honor and respectability, even now. 

The detective swallowed but nodded in turn and then Ryuk took flight. L watched, ever-frowning, as Light’s form grew smaller in the distance. Leaving was harder than he anticipated and not just because Ryuk clearly had a different definition of “gentle.” 

L’s frown deepened as he once again observed the barren wastes of the Shinigami Realm as they rushed by beneath Ryuk’s wings. No. Light couldn’t live here. There wasn't a bakery in sight! This place was _Hell!_ L decided that not even Kira deserved that. 

L would return—he would find a way.


End file.
